Stepping out

Let say everyday, you succeed in your efficient choices that are not necessarily wise and productive, but just "good enough"...who are you trying to kid? You can live everyday, do the SAME thing everyday, and never go anywhere. Where you are at now is satisfactorily comfortable, the zone is free of every bad thing of the world. Whatever happened to taking chances? How are you ever going to make mistakes and learn from them?! You can't possibly live a Godly life, and still be in your comfort zone! Persecution is a active part of Christianity...where in someones right mind consider abuse, whether it be physical pain, or mental stress, a state of comfortableness?
Look at it like this: You are chopping lettuce to make a salad. You are running out of time, because everyone is waiting at the table to eat, so you start chopping at a quicker pace. You get so intensely involved in concentrating, that when someone comes into the kitchen to ask you when dinner is going to be ready, you jump, completely startled, and cut your finger so deep the bleeding seems like it will take forever to stop. Persecution is like that. We never know how much time we have left on earth (though we do know Jesus is coming soon) that we try our best to get as many people as possible to know Jesus, and for them to be ready along with us to go Home. Sometimes, we don't get the reaction we want, and it completely backfires, leaving you hurt, and the pain seems to have a lasting impact.
Is cutting your hand and trying so hard to stop the bleeding a comfortable process to go through? For me, considering I have cut my hands an infinite amount of times, would have to say NO.
Motivation is such a hard concept to grasp let alone hold on to. It's hard to go out and find a job, it seems impossible to even find one, considering the horrible economy we have today. It's boring to clean your room, and then have the motivation to keep it tidy. To be honest, when you use something, just put it away! Easier said then done, am I right? From my personal experience, yes of course. I hate cleaning my room, though I do like to keep it somewhat organized and tidy. The whole point I'm trying to make is it's so much easier to talk ABOUT talking to others about Christ, but your motivation to actually DO IT, can be so low, you have no desire you follow your own excitement. It's all about stepping out of the SEEZEE(comfort zone), and being ready for people to "stone" you like they did with Stephan in the Bible(Acts 7:54-60). He never saw the people stoning him as enemies. He still loved God and the people, and he was slowly dying! Now THAT is one amazing man of God! Why can't we be as forgiving and understanding as him? God gave us a heart, forgive with it, to love, and understand why it's important! God gave us a brain, to understand His Words, to memorize verses, and to use them with our own lips that He has created for us speak of the Holy Spirit! Not just to fellow Christians. It's so much more important for the troubled and those that "Don't got no JESUS!" in their hearts to hear such words of love, comfort, peace, and faith of which the Bible brings for such a time as this! This world is not a friendly place. Any comfort, "love", entertainment, etc, the world brings is ever so temporary. When it ends, the only thing you feel inside you is emptiness. You can never be fully satisfied with anything it brings. It's all FALSE ADVERTISEMENT.
One thing we should know is God is SOVEREIGN, never failing, full of hope, and joy! He is the one you can run to when you feel alone, the one who will give you the full loving hug you need, when others barely give you a handshake.
Again, what I'm trying to come to is, people need to hear this. WE need to be reminded of all this! It's so necessary to keep your Godly life in check, to know yourself, to not care what you have to suffer to reach out to others!
"We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves." (Switchfoot "Meant To Live" lyrics). It's true. We often lose ourselves. It's all fear and confusion. We can blame our sin for that, but we can NEVER blame anyone, or anything, because we know who we live for, and what we are on earth for.
You just have to 1. Believe it! 2. Recieve it! 3. Enough procrastinating! 4. Act upon it! 5. Testify! 6. Have perseverance! 7. Enough is enough....just BREATHE!
I guess I have had my say...LET'S use our gifts God gave us for Him, and use it to save people!
NOW!

My Life

Here I am, In Iron River, Michigan. I intentionally came here to just be with my sister, thinking that I would leave in a few months when I had enough money to get back to California. Turns out, God had different plans for me. Though I tried everything in my power, with my back completely turned on God, to get back home, he never let go of the grasp I never knew he had on my heart. I betrayed my family, lied to people, manipulated them, hurt my sister with my verbally abusive words and actions. I made the same mistakes over and over until it came to the point where my supposedly brilliant plans came crashing down, leaving everyone hurt and feeling decieved. I never in my whole 20 years felt so small, so stupid and so alone. What was I doing? I never felt so trapt. Not only were my actions causing other people to stress, it was leading me by my tightened fists to a grave, where my tombstone was slowly engraving my name on it. I was digging myself a hole, I was at the edge of it peering down, just WAITING to fall in. It was never my intention to go so far with my rebellion that it came to the point where it took the longest time to gain my sisters trust back. It never took me so long to realize that the road I was creating for myself was not leading me to peace and rest, but destruction and dread. All the things I have done in my past two years of living on my own, to about six months ago could be best described as vulgar, deceptive, ugly, wretched, backstabbing, and lost. It led me to nothing. It brought me nothing but emptiness and fear along with drippings of guilt on my ever so hardened concious. I was living my life in opposition from what I was taught. It never occured to me until I hurt everyone around me, and I was alone in my self pitied world that I created. It never occured to me that my family was all I had until my grandma called me after everything I did saying "I love you, I love you, I love you" over and over again, until tears of pure regret, hopelessness, stabbing guilt, and realizations came pouring down like the crimson blood coming out of the broken heart I've created in me. Completely obliterated by the hands of Jesus, I wholly surrendered my selfishness and softened my tightened fists that shoved me in bondage of sin for so long. Finally ready to move on with my life instead of following the road of circles and long detours that led me to the same place over and over again, I stepped out of every worldly possession I held unto, and followed God to the beginning of a new life with a pureness only He could give me. I accepted that God brought me here for a purpose, and it was to grow in him and SO much more. This past nine months that I've live here have never been more frustrating, invigorating, challenging, motivating, and confusing. Your faith was tested at almost ever corner you turned on. Your path would always meet up with some kind of unstable brick wall, tall and very thick. You have to go around it to continue on the path you have been pursuing. A small town like this, A local Christian coffeeshop like the one I lived in, everything you did... people watched. Everything you've done...Someone or a few seem to know about it the next day. There was never any solitude, something was always happening, yet there are plenty of opportunities to open your Bible and start reading. Contrary to the lack of hustle and bustle In the little town, many experiances have come out of road trips and tours to churches in different states occured. Despite the fact that we traveled in a bus that broke down only every hour of traveling and it took more then three days late to get to our destination, God did wonders with our time. He stretched us, and he blessed us. No one, other then the people on that VERY bus, could possibly understand the emotions each one of us were going through on that trip. In return for our pray-without-ceasing, patience, and endurance attitudes, God put blessed people in our lives to show us how much He has truly been there while the bus was leaking on the side of the road. To prove his love by giving us a beautiful place to stay for two days with an incredible lady who has an intercessors heart and her ever so gentle hearted husband. To yet again prove to us that He NEVER left us when we headed back on our way home and broke down in one of the most dangerous parts of Chicago. Two mechanics, also known as Bill and Ted (not thier real names...its in reference to the Movie "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures), ALSO known as amazing christians who paid for 15 of us to have a motel room to sleep in for the night, along with a delightful lunch the following day. Following God and seeking Him was the only way each of us were going to survive the bus breakdowns and the frustration/stress coming out of it. Patience was mandatory. Sure, it was never forced upon, but overlooking it was not an exception. How else could everyone keep thier sanity cramped up in a small bus, with barely any place to move around? Keeping each other accountable in praying and seeking was a stretch, but it was necessary. So much uplifting and hope came out of it.

God gave me the heart of forgiveness and compassion. I've dealt with so much verbal abuse because of my gifts. Complaining was not a part of my vocabulary, but the suffering was at times so complicated and painful, it was hard to get back up from a push down. Everything just had to be difficult. What's love without hate? God says to love our enemies, those who hate us. what's selflessness without selfishness? With a selfish action comes a guilty concious, and to act upon it is to become selfless. There is always a negative with a positive. It balances everything out. It makes us human. We are what God created us. We should become what God wants us to be. Everything negative is flesh, everything positive is the Spirit working in us. Without the negative, what good will come out of your actions?

I never expected to be here for almost a year now. I never thought I would be the person I am right now. I can be better, we all can. A lot of issues and struggles come out of my realtionship with God combined with the mistakes I made. I have the strength to keep moving forward, but sometimes I wonder when enough is enough. Nothing ever will be perfect. Accepting that is hard, because we want happiness to surround us all day everyday. Spreading the Gospel collides with anger, and hatred of the world. It can never be all Christianity that envelopes us, but that is God's plan for all of us, is to do the best we can to bring as many people we can to Him so that there may be more peace in this world, and none is left behind. There is only so much we can do though. We may even bring people down when we make mistakes sometimes. We may be hypocrites, accusing someone for doing something that even you yourself does on a daily basis. We know what we do, thats where our guilt comes from. Guiltiness is only after you refuse to listen to your God given consious. We know what is right, yet we refuse to listen to ourselves of what to do and what not to do. When are we ever going to learn? We listen, but we don't act upon it. Sure, at times we will actually listen with our ears, but for the most part, we listen with our flesh.

It's hard to keep up with or hope, because we get beaten down one way or another, whether it be from a personal issue, an issue we are trying to help someone else solve, or just plain general issues we all struggle with everyday. Sometimes, the harder we try to fix a problem, the worse it's going to get. Usually, the solution is to just let go and let God. We try so hard to be the better person and fix things that don't need to be fixed. In the end, we realize our eyes have been blinded and our ears deaf. God will handle it when we know it's beyond our control. Whether you truly believe it or not, letting go is the best we can do. Patience is all we need to have, all we need to use. Most of us have none, thats why we try so hard to do it ourselves. Its so hard to believe how forgiving God, how perfect He is, and to see how unforgiving we can be and how our flaws are our trademarks!

I guess this is all for now.

Until then, Korey Leeann Johnston